The Certainty of Uncertainty

For observant Jews, there's a prayer that you say the first moment that you awaken in the morning. The Hebrew, translated into English, says:

I offer thanks to You, living and eternal King, for You have mercifully restored my soul within me; Your faithfulness is great.

In a life filled with uncertainty, it seems like a good idea to be thankful for getting to start living another day. It could be your last--or your best. You never know. The word "God" doesn't appear in this prayer, so the person can (and even should) be literally be lying in bed at the time they say it.

Last Friday, Dave Souza, a fine guitarist with whom I've been playing the blues monthly, died suddenly, on his 64th birthday. I didn't know Dave well, but based on the tremendous outpouring of grief by those who were close he was a great person and a wonderful friend. Dave said he wanted to live to age 64 and he just made it--but he's gone way too soon.

For months, my friend Jennifer Ong mounted a strong campaign for the 20th Assembly district seat. I received no fewer than 12 mailings from her over the weeks leading up to yesterday's contest. I know her and she is a fine, caring and hardworking woman who would make a great assemblywoman. But--with 100 percent of the votes counted, she came in a strong second. Uncertainty.

How do we deal with uncertainty? We could decide to do nothing, for fear of failure, but that makes every day an unhappy one. We could try to set up some things in life that feel certain, but the only truly guaranteed thing in life is its end. Few of us want to spend much time thinking about that, and even then, we normally don't know the day or hour of our final appointment.

I know that every day, after I realize I'm awake, my brain resets to where I am today--what I'm looking forward to, worried about, having to deal with. I'm lucky, because most of my life is filled with happy things--a loving partner, two healthy and handsome grown sons, good health for my age, my own home, a steady job, the chance to play the bass with others, a new car to write about every week... The list goes on. But not one thing on that list is assured. I need to remember to be thankful--but plan for the worst at the same time. I wish I were better at doing both.

Exploring Jewish Roots

As my year of daily blogging enters its final week, and Chanukah passes it midpoint, I am beginning a new focus for 2012. With the Jewish Roots Project, I will explore my ancestry in Judaism with a wide range of activities. These include interviewing rabbis, reading a wide range of material, attending services, practicing some of the rituals, growing a nice big beard, and much more.

I'll look at Jewish art, learn about famous Jews through history, and attempt to get a comprehensive overview of 5,772 years of culture.

As an intermarried, assimilated Jew, it would be easy to simply ignore my background. Life is going just fine and I love my family. But periodically, I get a certain feeling that calls me back to my roots.

Those roots are buried but present. My family practiced Reform Judaism sporadically and without a great deal of enthusiasm. I have had a few years of Jewish education -- 7th through 10th grade -- celebrated a hastily prepared Bar Mitzvah at 13, and I spent 10 months living in Israel, feeding cows and studying Hebrew as a young adult. But it's all part of the bigger Jewish picture.

I'll record my findings and periodically post something to the new Jewish Roots Project blog. Then, on January 1, 2013, I'll assess what I've found and decide how to proceed with my relationship to Judaism for the rest of my life. Will it require more study? (I'm guessing yes). I won't join any synagogues until then, if at all. But if I've learned anything in the last several years, it's that having a focus and doing something daily that relates to it is what makes things happen. And it helps to work with other people to get support and perspective (and it just feels good, too).

So, after January 1, 2012, Test Driving Life will not necessarily be fresh daily, but be sure to visit the Jewish Roots Project as well to see what's going on.

Happy Jewish New Year--Rosh Hashana Tova

Rosh Hashana is the start (literally the "head") of the Jewish year. Unlike the secular calendar, the Jewish New Year starts in the fall. The dates vary (according to the secular calendar, at least) because the Hebrew Calendar, while around 365 days long, is divided into 13 months.

In any case, the Jewish Year 5772 started last night at sundown. As usual, I didn't do anything about it.

Back when Jews were all pretty much living together in their own communities, the new year was a big deal. Also, following right behind it, was Yom Kippur, the day of atonement, when you basically said, "Ok, it's the new year, I'm sorry for the wrong things I did and the mistakes I made and I'm going to do better this year. Oh--and I won't eat today to remind myself."

As an essentially nonobservant Jew living with non-Jews, I will not fast this year. How can I? My band has a gig to play that day and I'd starve. In all seriousness, though, it doesn't feel like I have to.

Judaism is an ancient tradition, but like any practice, it takes daily--or at least regular--observance. I don't do that. But sometimes I wish I did, and it's still a good time to think about my life.